AFTER a bad defeat to Rangers you’re impelled to deploy a suite of coping mechanisms to get you back on an even keel.

Sunday’s lamentable 2-1 Scottish Cup semi-final defeat felt particularly sore, as we’d gone into the match as clear favourites and defending an astonishing unbeaten record at Hampden stretching back six years. 

You’re tempted to cite, yet again, the performance of a referee in these games. It seemed that from early on in this match Bobby Madden was favouring a retro and indulgent 1950s approach in administering this game and that this would always favour the team who’d opted to deploy the more physically aggressive strategy.     

But even as the day progresses and you begin to process this defeat Madden’s performance gains some perspective. In reality, it wasn’t even in my top 10 of dodgy refereeing displays in games against Rangers.

The display by JPR Gordon (Newport on Tay) in 1978 at Ibrox was the worst I’ve ever seen. And assorted officiating displays by IMD Foote (Glasgow), R Davidson (Airdrie), H Dallas (Bonkle) and the Symes (pere et fils) also spring to mind. In more recent times there was John Hartson’s disallowed goal in the 2003 League Cup final, that Jorge Cadete goal at Ibrox and the trip on Neil Lennon inside the box at Ibrox.

Hartson’s goal was so far onside that it even featured in the daily report of the Russian cosmonauts in their space station. Madden’s decisions yesterday were simply not that clear and obvious. And, besides, Ange Postecoglou said there was nothing to see here and so we must all accept it (although I think the big man was mindful of the last remaining game against Rangers and perhaps felt that diplomacy was the best option).

And so, you’re forced to fall back on several other coping techniques to get through the week following a defeat in these games.

The best one in my experience is also the nuclear option. To locate one of your Rangers acquaintances very quickly and have done with it. Here, the trick is to praise his team’s performance to the utmost, paying close attention to some of the detail of their display. This is to let him know that you’re a sort of Renaissance Celtic man, able to appreciate the aesthetics of the Rangers display from a purely football perspective. It helps convey the impression that you’re above the tribal currents of this fixture and that you’re absolutely insouciant about the defeat.

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You hear yourself saying things like: “Just as long as there’s no trouble in the city tonight” and “it’s unhealthy for one club to establish complete dominance in these fixtures”. You know that this is mince and he knows it too. But you both understand the need to rationalise things in this way to assist the healing process.

Of course, you can’t resist the temptation to fling in a couple of wee sniders such as: “It’s been 13 years since Rangers last won the Scottish Cup. Van Bronckhorst will have to ensure they don’t freeze again on the big stage.” Or: “It’s such a shame that the top two in the league don’t get automatic entry into the group stages of the Champions League.” If you want to be a little childish about it then you could acknowledge the fitness levels of Rangers following their midweek Europa League exertions. But point out that it helps when you’re only playing nine men.

I’d also advise avoiding newspaper reports of defeats to Rangers. The pattern of allegiance in some of Scotland’s football writing fraternity comes to the fore on these occasions and, allied to plain bad writing, the coverage of these matches can leave you feeling bereft and undermined. I’d leave the reports until later in the week and, in the meantime, seek out your favourite Celtic websites as a form of mass counselling.

On no account should you go anywhere near the Radio Clyde football phone-in. That wretched platform is designed to lower your self-esteem following Rangers defeats. At some point in this week’s programme you will probably hear the following sentence: “If Rangers can hold on to James Tavernier in the face of interest from Manchester City and Bayern Munich they must now be considered among the favourites for next season’s Champions League.”

If you are in mixed football company, strive to display absolutely no angst about Sunday’s game. It’s only the Scottish Cup and, anyway, we’ve won 40 of them and Hampden is still a dump.

If none of this works then you still have recourse to YouTube footage of the last six seasons. In this stretch Celtic have won 15 times in the Glasgow Derby and lost nine, four of which occurred in the silence of lockdown and so didn’t really count. We’ve scored an astonishing 45 goals against Rangers during this stretch.  

And finally, considering in what state Celtic were in immediately prior to the advent of Postecoglou, this has been a wondrous season that has already provided several golden memories and a long unbeaten run that has taken us to the brink of another title.

In the final Glasgow Derby of the season, Celtic will have a fully-fit main striker. They’ll also be much more alive to the agricultural approach favoured by Rangers on Sunday and the match officials’ remarkable indulgence of it.

Celtic were decisively beaten at Hampden but over the course of this season so far they have been by far the best team in Scotland.